• Esmae Brown

Aesthetic


Aesthetic: concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty


Over the years I have had different aesthetics, I could never really conform to a certain one. Instead of conforming to just one, I decided to branch out and make my own.


I would say you could categorize it as boho, plant mom, trendy clothes, fun vibes, neutral colors, self care, social media, independence, hard work, and passion. There is so much that goes into what makes you, you. I believe that your aesthetic and your personality go together to make the person you are.


I developed this through years of trying to figure out who I was. High school was brutal and quite honestly a time of my life I choose to forget. When I came to college, I had complete free reign to do what I wanted and do what made me happy. I became a person I wanted to be since I was away from the demeaning atmosphere of my hometown and my judgmental peers. With moving two states away to a completely new environment with people who knew me as what I wanted them to, I made a new reality for myself.


I finally got to dress the way I wanted to without being judged, or do the activities that brought me joy. In this so called new reality I made for myself it helped me blossom into the person I am today. I slowly started to realize that I truly do not care about what others think about me. If I were to ask my high school self that, it would be a completely different answer.


I know everyone says that high school was awful but for me it was truly the darkest time of my life. My anxiety and depression consumed my entire being and I couldn't have a thought of my own because if it didn't match everyone else's then you were an outsider. So I kept my head down and as soon as senior year hit, I took all online classes and college courses so I could be out of the prison of my high school. With this I started to separate myself from my class. I always had friends who were older than me, so it wasn't hard to cut myself out of this picture I was never really in.


Once I graduated I spent the summer getting ready for college and the weekend my parents dropped me off and I said my goodbyes, it was like this new chapter of my life was officially starting. I was on my own, I had the independence I had wanted for so long. I had started to meet new people and was able to express this new version of myself.


From there it just grew into something more. Since I was able to finally express myself and do what made me happy I started figuring out what I didn't want in my life. I put myself out there and tried things even if it didn't work out it gave me the experiences I needed to keep growing. I put myself in situations that I would have never done if I were still the same person I was in high school.


Once I moved into my own apartment and had a place that was truly my own, my aesthetic really came out. I made my room into exactly what I wanted it to look like and with that it became my safe space. My room holds so much power, it is where I go to escape the world and just feel alone. I started collecting plants to bring out more of my aesthetic and show my plant and boho side of my personality. Everything coincides with each other and just makes sense.


The aesthetic of my room also helps with my mental health. I struggle with Anxiety, Depression and OCD; surrounding myself in things that bring me joy and resemble parts of me soothe that ache or discomfort I get from my mental health. My aesthetic also resembles my mental health, because of the things I struggle with that is why I have a set theme for my room. Everything has a place or a reason for being here and it all goes together. That part of it soothes my OCD, with that everything has to have a place or there have to be certain rules and when I can't control that I feel like everything is falling apart. The aesthetic of my room and the personality it radiates helps me feel at home and calm when something is wrong or my mental health is flaring up.


I have worked very hard over the years to figure out my aesthetic and what best describes me. I am at a place in my life where I feel like I am living with complete happiness. There are some days that are harder than others but you can not focus on that, you can not focus on the negative or your life will reflect that. I have a positive aesthetic and outlook on things and it has changed the way I live day to day.


Some of my friends have asked me how I have found my aesthetic and what they can do to live like I do. The best advice I can give is to follow my Pinterest and get a feel for my vibe but also make sure you are putting your own creative touch on it. Copy and pasting my aesthetic and vibe may not be what is best for you but there may be some aspects of it that work and relate to you very well. All I can say is make it your own and show your true self. The sooner you do that, the sooner you will be happier.


XOXO,

Esmae Brown



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